(DRAFT Version 2. 08/31/2010)
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Phoenina Toots: Mid to late 20’s. Female. Clown.
Huggie Aloni: Mid to late 20’s. Male. Clown.
Chuck E. Cheese.
HUGGIE and PHOENINA, dressed in clown outfits are sitting at a table. PHOENINA is sipping from a straw from a paper cup. HUGGIE is looking out of it. A Happy Birthday banner is hanging from a wall upstage. A couple of balloons and some streamers are on the floor around them.
HUGGIE: Look at ’em. I bet those are the most filthiest balls on earth.
PHOENINA: Huggie, they’re kids. They’re just having fun. You’re telling me you never did that.
PHOENINA: You should try it sometime.
HUGGIE: I don’t know how rolling around in germ infested balls can be fun, Phoenina.
PHOENINA: Not when you put it like that. You know, you really need to loosen up. One of these days you’re gonna like have a stroke or something. And then what will I do?
HUGGIE: Find another partner.
PHOENINA: But I’ve already gotten so used to your grumpy face. And speaking of which, why are you so grumpy today? You’re supposed to be Huggie Aloni, the Funny Clown! That’s why I brought you here.
HUGGIE: We’re here to work.
PHOENINA: Yes. But it’s also for you to have some fun.
HUGGIE: I swear, if you have that big rat and his robot freaks, come over here with a cake, I will cut you.
PHOENINA: You’re not that good yet.
HUGGIE: Don’t try me. Especially today.
PHOENINA: Then at least be happy for what you got.
HUGGIE: A dead-end job with a partner who’s a goodie two shoes who likes to party all the time.
PHOENINA: It’s a job, right? But I appreciate the effort of throwing in an obscure Eddie Murphy party song to alleviate the tension.
HUGGIE: The only tension is the crow’s feet around your eyes because you can remember that song from the Eighties.
PHOENINA: Would you just grow down a little? I’m trying to cheer you up.
HUGGIE: Nothing worth cheering up about entering the later stages in life.
PHOENINA: You’re not that old.
HUGGIE: Wow. Not ‘that’ old. Phoenina, when did you start doing this?
PHOENINA: You know that I started…
HUGGIE: 16. I started doing this when I was 16. I’m 35. And look at me. Should I be happy?
PHOENINA: You look happy. C’mon. You have to lighten up! Enjoy life. Look at those kids over there.
HUGGIE: They’re cheating.
PHOENINA: No. They’re having fun. They don’t know it’s against the rules to walk up that ramp and put the balls in the holes.
HUGGIE: The parents are making them do that.
PHOENINA: But look at them. They’re smiling. And watching the co-workers not care is hilarious.
HUGGIE: That’s being irresponsible.
PHOENINA: Oh my God! What’s the matter with you? You know that life is short. We live it. So just live a little!
HUGGIE: (softly) I don’t know how.
HUGGIE: I don’t know how! Okay? I’ve never learned how to.
PHOENINA: Have fun? How’s that possible? I thought you loved what we do?
HUGGIE: No. Not really. I mean, it’s just a job.
PHOENINA: I love what we do. What about the travel?
HUGGIE: We go from Chuck E. Cheese to Chuck E. Cheese to make a couple of bucks and what do I have to show for it? Do you know what I have to show for it? Nothing!!!
PHOENINA: Keep it down a little. You’re gonna scare the kids.
HUGGIE: We’re gonna scare them soon anyways. You think I like making kids cry when they see me?
PHOENINA: I like making the adults cry.
HUGGIE: Okay. I do too, but I’m tired of this life. I need something more. I just feel so stuck. This is my last job.
PHOENINA: You’ve said that before, remember? So, we change things up again. Start over in another part of the country. Like last time.
HUGGIE: You’re young-er-ish, cute, and adventurous. Just get another partner. You’ll do fine without me. Better even.
PHOENINA: Stop saying that.
HUGGIE: It’s true.
PHOENINA: You know you’ll miss it. Especially when we round up all the families and we pop off a couple of balloons…
HUGGIE: Behind their kids heads. Good times. Good times.
PHOENINA: And then it’s the parents who fork over the money like crazy? What’s not fun about that? Now that’s the clown, I know.
HUGGIE: Ready, Phoenina Toots.
PHOENINA: Ready, Huggie Aloni.
HUGGIE and PHOENINA get up from the table and take out machetes from inside their Clown outfits.
HUGGIE: Alright everyone! Stop what you’re doin and gather up your kiddies, cuz this is a hold up!