Lately this playwriting life has been so trying. It’s been over a year since I graduated and don’t feel like I’m no where close to where I want to be. So for the last couple of days I’ve been in a state of depression. And it really sucks hence the name depression.

Last week, I got a couple of rejection letters. In the past, I’ve kinda just blown them off and chalked it up to wearing them (being rejected) as a badge of honor. Now it feels like a badge of “I Suck!” And I got to thinking that it’s not the rejection itself, but more towards the accumulation of them that’s truly wearing me out emotionally and physically to the point where I have to call in sick.

And I have grown sick of this feeling of not being good enough. Now I’m questioning if I even have any talent. I don’t really question whether or not if I had talent because I did get into grad school with something I created. But it feels like I’ve regressed since graduating. Is it possible that everything I’ve learned made me nit have fun anymore? With the responsibility of earning an MFA, did that make me overanalyze everything (writing, producing, casting, submitting, etc.) I’m trying to accomplish?

I can’t blame my day job. I like my day job. But I’ve ignored my passion. And that’s what’s killing me.

Before I get too far with the longest blog entry I’ve posted in quite sometime, I want to give the utmost kudos to the cast in the picture on top as well as to my table reading cast from the week before! I needed this. Oh… This was from a staged reading from Sinag-tala in Sacramento. They produced it and happy they did! It felt good to be a playwright again.

Now getting back to being a sad playwright. I miss being a happy one. But I’ve realized some of the steps to get back there:

  1. Read more!
  2. Set goals
  3. Write more. Even if it’s just for practice and it doesn’t make sense.
  4. Submit again.
  5. Sign up for classes
  6. Watch plays
  7. Network and connects
  8. SET GOALS! That means write them down and create action plans in how to actually DO THEM!

Article by Conrad

Conrad's a San Francisco Bay Area Playwright. He loves long walks upon the concrete and rainy days. Aside from writing words for actors to regurgitate into an audience's ears and eyes, he loves sports, 90's R&B, and learning.

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