Gabriella in the Hood
by conrad panganiban
Mac G – early 20’s
Gabriella – mid 30’s
Setting: Sidewalk. East Oakland. Present.
GABRIELLA
What? You’re cutting out. I said that I’m in East Oakland. It’s near San Francisco. I’ll be fine. What? Research. This will be good. I swear. Hello? Hello?
MAC G
Nice phone.
GABRIELLA
Thanks.
MAC G
Looks expensive.
GABRIELLA
Not really.
MAC G
Give it to me.
GABRIELLA
What?
MAC G
I said give it to me and your bag!
GABRIELLA
Are you in a gang?
MAC G
What?
GABRIELLA
Are you in the 12th Street Crew?
MAC G
Bitch! I ain’t playin’! Does this look like a toy?
GABRIELLA
Crap. Hold up. Can you say that again?
MAC G
What?
GABRIELLA
Start off with ‘bitch’! I like how you said that.
MAC G
Fo realz, I ain’t playin’! Get that tape recorder out of my face.
GABRIELLA
Biatch!
MAC G
What you call me?
GABRIELLA
No. Can you say ‘Get that tape recorder out of my face.’ again? And add ‘Biatch’ to the end of that.
MAC G
What the fuck? Nobody says biatch.
GABRIELLA
What about ‘bizzle mah nizzle’?
MAC G
Just give me your shit! Damn, this bag’s heavy! What the fuck you got in here?
GABRIELLA
Just some books and paper.
MAC G
That’s it?
GABRIELLA
Yeah.
MAC G
Then give me that too.
GABRIELLA
You can take everything but this. I have all my notes recorded on this.
MAC G
Imma bust a cap in yo ass if you don’t give that to me!
GABRIELLA
Good stuff! ‘Bust a cap in your ass!’
MAC G
In YO ass!
GABRIELLA
Right. ‘In YO ass!’
MAC G
What the hell are you doin’?
GABRIELLA
Research. I’m writing a script about girl from the rich suburbs kidnapped by a gang and then chooses to become one of them to spite her over-protective parents. It’s going to be called, “Chloe in the Hood.” I haven’t had a script produced in a while, and I really need this story to work.
MAC G
What? That story’s hella wack!
GABRIELLA
Why? Because your gang wouldn’t kidnap anyone, right?
MAC G
Stupid cuz no one chooses to be in a gang.
GABRIELLA
But it’s to spite her parents.
MAC G
I’m just sayin’ that shit ain’t real.
GABRIELLA
Then what is?
MAC G
I’m warning you! Get that shit out of my face.
GABRIELLA
Research. I need to know what you know about the gritty life in the innercity.
MAC G
Told you this ain’t a game out here! Shut that recorder off, before I permanently shut you off!
GABRIELLA
Oooo… that’s good! What’s your name?
MAC G
Fuck it! You’re pissing me off.
GABRIELLA
Hey! Where are you going with my stuff?
MAC G
You wanted life in the innercity? Think of me as Ashton Kutcher of the hood. You just got JACK’D!
GABRIELLA
I need your name for the movie.
MAC G
Movie?
GABRIELLA
I might not give a shit about my things, but I believe in being fair. Do you want to help me out?
MAC G
With the movie thang?
GABRIELLA
I need to fly out to L.A. in a couple of days to show my boss what I got, but I can’t leave without a story – a Real story. And I don’t think I can do that without your help. So, are you interested?
MAC G
Marcus Gardley, but everyone calls me Mac G.
GABRIELLA
Gabriella Montez.
MAC G
Hold up? Like in Gabriella Montez from High School Musical? I meant, yeah, fuck. My little sister watches that shit.
GABRIELLA
Yeah… I get that all the time. My ex-boyfriend wrote the screenplay. And his name is Troy.
MAC G
No shit. Like Troy Bolton and the Wildcats?
GABRIELLA
Nice to know you like that kind of stuff.
MAC G
Yo… I said my little sister watches that. I just happen to catch it when I’m babysitting her.
GABRIELLA
So, do we have a deal?
MAC G
Will I get paid?
GABRIELLA
As a consultant.
MAC G
Fuck yeah, I’m interested! I mean. Yeah. S’all good.
GABRIELLA
Great! Thanks. Take my card from my bag.
MAC G
Oh shit. Sorry. Here’s your shit back.
GABRIELLA
As I said, take this card and call me tomorrow and we’ll make this story… real.
MAC G
Coo… I mean, Thanks!
GABRIELLA
Fo sho.
THE END
NOTE: This is written as an exercise for my Playwriting Workshop. The workshop is offered through Bindlestiff Studio in San Francisco for their Stories High Program. The assignment: Write a scene with two characters. Character A wants something tangible from character B, and character B wants something intangible from character A.