CALL OF DUTY: GOD’S ARMY
v.2 3/25/09
Produced by Bindlestiff Studios
Good Friday: Carpool to Hell
April 9-11, 2009
Thick House, San Francisco, CA
Original Cast:
Lola – Sarita Ocon
Grandchild – 4/9-10, Kat Evasco & 4/11, Joe Cascasan
Directed by Judith Ferrer
CALL OF DUTY: GOD’S ARMY
by conrad panganiban
directed by Judith Ferrer
Characters:
Lola – Older. Catholic.
Grandchild – the grandchild of Lola
INT.BEDROOM.NIGHT
Lights fade up to dim as GRANDCHILD is holding the Wii video game controllers and playing a game. Two people are both DSL&R facing the audience. They are the human sound effects.
LOLA’s voice is heard off-stage.
LOLA
What’s all this noise?
Lights up as LOLA enters GRANDCHILD’s bedroom.
LOLA
Hoy! Why are you not sleeping yet? You have to wake up early for Easter Mass.
GRANDCHILD
Lola. Just a few more minutes. I’m almost done.
LOLA
You go to sleep now!
GRANDCHILD
Almost done.
LOLA
Is that a rosary on the screen?
GRANDCHILD
Yes, Lola. It’s a new game called CALL OF DUTY: GOD’s ARMY.
GRANDCHILD is making the sign of the cross with the controller.
LOLA
Now what are you doing?
GRANDCHILD
I’m converting the Pagans.
LOLA
Oh… Who is that running at you? They look mad.
GRANDCHILD
Wait. You’re distracting me.
LOLA
Are they throwing rocks at you?
GRANDCHILD
Switching to the Cross.
GRANDCHILD makes the motion like she/he is hitting the rocks like a tennis racket from Wii Sports.
LOLA
Ay! Move that way! No the other way! Watch out over there! Ay-ya!
GRANDCHILD
Lola! Look what you made me do! I died!
LOLA
Well, if you moved that way, you’re not going to die.
GRANDCHILD
You think you can do better.
GRANDCHILD and LOLA pause and stare at each other.
LOLA
Give me.
GRANDCHILD gives the controls to LOLA.
GRANDCHILD
Press the A button.
LOLA
Which one is A.
GRANDCHILD
The one on top.
LOLA
Now how do you move?
GRANDCHILD
With the other controller. With your thumb.
LOLA
Like this?
GRANDCHILD
There you go. Now go over to those people.
LOLA
They look like from a Pilipino Village. They look nice.
GRANDCHILD
Nah. That’s fear. Okay, now convert them with the sign of the cross.
LOLA makes the sign of the cross with the controller.
LOLA
Bless you. Bless you. Amen. Bless you. This is easy. Oh oh, here comes the pagans again.
GRANDCHILD
Press the B button. It’s the trigger. Good. That’s the cross weapon. Now, hit back the rocks!
LOLA hits the rocks away like she’s playing Wii Tennis.
LOLA
I’m pretending it’s a slipper. Hayop! Take that! Who are those other people coming that way?
GRANDCHILD
They’re called the Mayans.
LOLA
How do I convert them?
GRANDCHILD
You can’t. You have to kill them.
LOLA
What?
GRANDCHILD
Switch to the Holy Water weapon! Now, sprinkle the water on them.
LOLA makes the motion of sprinkling the holy water on them.
GRANDCHILD
See. They’re melting!
LOLA
What’s that hopping around?
GRANDCHILD
Easter bunnies! Switch to Holy Smoke!
LOLA makes the motion of making the holy smoke… smoke.
LOLA
They’re falling asleep. Now what do I do?
GRANDCHILD
You have to stab them.
LOLA
But that’s some more killing.
GRANDCHILD
It’s okay Lola. It’s all in the name of the Father.
LOLA
Oh, okay.
GRANDCHILD
Switch to the knife and start stabbing them!
LOLA starts stabbing the controller down. Victory music is heard from sound effect people.
GRANDCHILD
You did it Lola! You converted the world and killed all the Heathens!
LOLA
That was fun. I’m glad that it’s ONLY a video game.
LOLA and GRANDCHILD face at the audience with the look of knowing that it really isn’t just a video game.
LOLA
Wait a minute? Who are they?
HOUSE LIGHTS are turned on.
GRANDCHILD
It’s Bindlestiff’s Good Friday Audience.
LOLA
Oh my.
GRANDCHILD
Convert them Lola! Yeah!
LOLA goes back to playing the game and starts to make the motions to the members of the audience.
END