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Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban

playwright | conradap@gmail.com

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The Batmobile

Posted on 01/15/2011 by Conrad

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/scz/mis/2161327767.html

Location: Chevron on 41st
Me: Cute girl driving black Civic – my friend gave you a thumbs up 🙂
You: I think you’re Batman, but I need to know for sure. You drive what’s known around here as the Batmobile. I’ve seen your car around before, but today I got to see you through those skinny windows. I liked what I saw.

To be honest, your car really turns me on. I’d love to go for a ride sometime. Let me know if you’re interested. 😉

=================

The Batmobile
by conrad panganiban

GABRIELLE
So how long have you had the car?

BRUCE
Not that long. People really call this the Batmobile?

GABRIELLE
Well, maybe just me and my friends. You’re new here, aren’t you?

BRUCE
Not that new. You just never saw me before.

GABRIELLE
Right. The skinny windows.

BRUCE
Right.

GABRIELLE
So. You gonna take me out for a ride?

BRUCE
Depends.

GABRIELLE
Depends on what?

BRUCE
If you’re worthy.

GABRIELLE
Worthy?

BRUCE
Yeah.

GABRIELLE
Trust me. I am.

BRUCE.
Not in that way, Gabby.

GABRIELLE
It’s Gabrielle, and how’d you know my name?

BRUCE
Well, then excuse me, Gabrielle, but not in that way. I was talking about something you can do for me.

GABRIELLE
What I can do for you?

BRUCE
I need the keys to your dad’s shop.

GABRIELLE
What are you talking about?

BRUCE
You said that you wanted a ride?

GABRIELLE
Yeah, but…

BRUCE
Well, how much of that ride do you want? Or is it, how much do you want to drive it?

GABRIELLE
I told you, the car turns me on.

BRUCE
350 dual-cam carburetor with a

GABRIELLE
500 cubic manifold intake valve.

BRUCE
It’s 550.

GABRIELLE
You might want to check again. So what do you want from my pop’s shop?

BRUCE
Does he still have the three-quarter Edge Spring for the ’66 Chevy Firesnake?

GABRIELLE
A ’66 Firesnake?

BRUCE
I guess you’re not very interested in the Batmobile anymore.

GABRIELLE
It’s a Prius compared to a Firesnake. No offense.

BRUCE
I wouldn’t say Prius. More like Mustang… but definitely not a Prius.

GABRIELLE
You know what I mean. So… how’d you get the other one? Since there were only…

BRUCE
Can you get me the Edge Spring?

GABRIELLE
He’s gonna notice it’s gone.

BRUCE
Of course he would. But by the time he’d notice, we’d be long gone too.

GABRIELLE
We?

BRUCE
The people I work for would appreciate your line of expertise, Gabby. A lot more than your father does.

GABRIELLE
How much more? And it’s Gabrielle.

BRUCE
Let’s just say that the Edge Spring isn’t for my car. It’d be for yours. Trust me. The best thing to ever come out of this rinky dinky town is you, but if you wanna stay rinky dinky, you can stay right here taking orders from your old man who’ll keep you trapped swapping oil underneath Soccer Wagons and Priuses forever. Call me crazy, but I’d think that working on Lamborghinis, Bugattis, or a Koenigseggs would be a step up.

GABRIELLE
A Koenigsegg?

BRUCE
The Agera, Trevita, and I almost forgot, the CCXR. You think you can handle those?

GABRIELLE
I… uh.

BRUCE
We don’t have time for “uhs”, Gabby. 1:23am. In the back of your pop’s shop. You’re there with the part, and we’re gone. If not… then I’ll be. I’ll see you soon… Gabrielle.

THE END

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Headshot of Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban (he/him/his) is an award-winning Filipino American playwright representing the San Francisco Bay Area. His plays include Daryo’s All-American Diner, Welga, and River’s Message. Conrad’s work has been produced by Bindlestiff Studio, The Chikahan Company, CIRCA Pintig (IL), the MaArte Theatre Collective, and CATS (Contemporary Asian Theatre Scene) . Awards include: Best Play of 2023, Daryo’s All-American Diner (BroadwayWorldAwards Chicago), Best New Play, Daryo’s All-American Diner (Chicago Reader, Best of 2023), Susan Fairbrook Playwright Fund Awardee (TheatreWorks Silicon Valley), 2023 New Voices in Comedy Writing Fellowship (Killing My Lobster), James Milton Highsmith Award Winner (SFSU), National Ten-Minute Play Festival Finalist (Actors Theatre of Louisville), and Bay Area Playwrights Festival Semi-Finalist (Playwrights Foundation). Resident Artist: Bindlestiff Studio. Member: Dramatist Guild of America, and Theatre Bay Area. MFA, San Francisco State University. @consplayspace

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