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Conrad A. Panganiban

playwright | conradap@gmail.com

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Chicken Sandos, Tiaras, and the War In Between

Posted on 08/02/201208/16/2020 by Conrad

Chicken Sandos, Tiaras and the War in Between by Conrad A. Panganiban.pdf

CHICKEN SANDOS, TIARAS, AND THE WAR IN BETWEEN
by Conrad A. Panganiban
written 08/02/2012

HARPER:
17. Female. Skater. Progressive aggressive. Daughter of Benicio.

BENICIO:
Early 40s. Male. Banker. Conservative. Stuffy. Uptight. Father of Harper.

Lights up as HARPER, a teenager dressed in Skater garb, in the midst of playing a game of tug-o-war over a white bag with her father, BENICIO, clad in business attire.

BENICIO
Spit it out!

(HARPER has her mouth full of food, but she’s chewing vigorously while shaking her head, “No!”)

BENICIO (CONT.)
I hope you choke!

(HARPER finishes her food and swallows.)

HARPER
Give it back!

BENICIO
Throw up first!

HARPER
I’m. Not. Done!

BENICIO
Yes. You. Are!

(BENICIO with one final tug takes away the bag.)

HARPER
That’s not yours!

BENICIO
Do you know what this is?

HARPER
Dinner!

BENICIO
It’s poison. And I hope you die!

HARPER
It’s a chicken sandwich and I hope you die!

BENICIO
Oh, believe me, you’re already killing me! Do you know what would happen if your father caught you with this?

HARPER
Yeah. He’d give that back to me cuz he wouldn’t let me starve to death.

BENICIO
Well, I’m your father too, so I’m saving your life.

HARPER
It’s just a sandwich!

BENICIO
This here is DEATH!

HARPER
Food is life.

BENICIO
But this is made of cholesterol, polysaturated fat, and HATE!

HARPER
It’s a SANDWICH!

BENICIO
Harper.

HARPER
Benicio.

BENICIO
Harper.

HARPER
Dad.

BENICIO
Honey, you know I can’t let you eat this.

HARPER
But it tastes so gooooood.

BENICIO
I know, Harper.

HARPER
Then why won’t you let me finish it?

BENICIO
You know why.

HARPER
You’re being a hypocrite!

BENICIO
Excuse me?

HARPER
You are hating on that company the same way you say they hate on you when all along you preach wanting to have equality and for everyone to be at peace with each other.

BENICIO
You’re not making any sense.

HARPER
My blood sugar is low, because I NEED MY SANDWICH!

BENICIO
Eat an apple.

HARPER
What I’m trying to say, dear OLD father of mine, is that you are hating on a sandwich. A poor innocent sandwich that longs to fulfill it’s purpose of uniting with my tummy.

BENICIO
Can you even comprehend what this sandwich represents?

HARPER
It’s not supposed to represent anything other than BEING a sand-wich.
BENICIO
No. It’s made by a company that has proclaimed itself to be a safe-house for people who hate people like me and your father.

HARPER
From the people who hate good sandwiches?

BENICIO
We didn’t raise you to be ignorant, Harper. Don’t disrespect us like that.

HARPER
I wasn’t trying to do that – disrespect you. I know that the President of that company is “guilty as charged”, but that’s him, not the whole company. Believe it or not, there are some good people who work there that don’t share the same thoughts as him.

BENICIO
What kind of self-respecting human would work for the kind of company that promotes hate?

HARPER
The person who wants to take me to the prom but has to work there in order to pay for said prom.

BENICIO
Oh.

HARPER
Dad. You don’t know what it’s like to be thought of as a person on the outside looking in. All the pretty girls get to go out and look nice and lean against a locker while some guy is leaning over and smiling and thinking, I don’t know what, I just want to know what that’s like. And when Topher asked me if I wanted to go to the Prom with him, I thought he was joshing around. You know, to go and hang out with a buddy, being me, and rag on everyone looking like they’re molded from the same factory and spotting the one’s trying to fit into that factory. Don’t get me wrong, I’m down to do goof on the people who squeal over Justin Beiber, no offense Dad, but I’d want to be able to do that with somebody who won’t think of me as just a buddy. I know I’m not like Prom Queen material or anything, but I’d at least like to think that there’s a place for me at the dance.

(BENICIO hugs HARPER and gives her a kiss on top of the head.)

HARPER (CONT.)
So when he got a job there last week, before the “guilty as charged” thing, he told me that he did it so he could pay for our prom.

BENICIO
Sounds a little more than a “buddy”.

HARPER
Daaaad…

BENICIO
So, his name is Topher?

HARPER
It’s really Franklin, but he looks like Topher Grace, so…

BENICIO
Mmmm… what does his dad look like?

HARPER
Dad!

BENICIO
Kidding. Don’t tell your dad that. But, believe me, I do know what you’re feeling. There was this guy, John Sumner, in high school. Total jock and he had his hair gelled up perfectly like Vanilla Ice, which was ironic because it made him look hotter, but I digress, I remember his girlfriend’s locker was right next to mine and they would be going at it… and I would see them from a distance and think to myself… Bitch, get away from my locker cuz I need to get my Algebra book! But I do know what you mean… about the locker thing. But sweetie, that’s what this whole deal is about. Think of that place being the Prom, one that smells like frying fat and oily chicken, but a dance none-the-less, and inside those walls is a place where people know that they can feel “safe” from people like me. I know that the workers or even some of the franchise owners don’t feel the same way as their Dictator, but they’re still promoting his product and his beliefs and when some of the customers feel the same way, then I’ll always have the feeling that somewhere in America someone will hate me for being who I am. I want to be a part of the dance too, Dear.

(HARPER gives Benicio a hug before getting the “chicken” bag and tosses it in the garbage. Then HARPER holds out her hand.)

HARPER
May I have this dance?

(BENICIO gets up and they slow dance together.)

BENICIO
Why don’t you give Franklin…

HARPER
Topher?

BENICIO
Topher, a call and ask him if it’s all right if both of your dads can pay for your prom.

HARPER
Really?!

BENICIO
You know I have to ask Collin first, but you know he’ll do anything for you.

HARPER
Thank you!

BENICIO
Do you think you can try and convince Topher to quit his job there though? But only if he wants to.

HARPER
Well, I did tell him that he’s beginning to smell a little chicken-y… maybe that’ll convince him.

BENICIO
Good.

HARPER
Thank you, Daddy. I love you.

(Fade in Bob Carlisle’s BUTTERFLY KISSES as the share a dance.)

(Slowly fade to black.)

END OF PLAY

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Headshot of Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban (he/him/his) is an award-winning Filipino American playwright representing the San Francisco Bay Area. His plays include Daryo’s All-American Diner, Welga, and River’s Message. Conrad’s work has been produced by Bindlestiff Studio, The Chikahan Company, CIRCA Pintig (IL), the MaArte Theatre Collective, and CATS (Contemporary Asian Theatre Scene) . Awards include: Best Play of 2023, Daryo’s All-American Diner (BroadwayWorldAwards Chicago), Best New Play, Daryo’s All-American Diner (Chicago Reader, Best of 2023), Susan Fairbrook Playwright Fund Awardee (TheatreWorks Silicon Valley), 2023 New Voices in Comedy Writing Fellowship (Killing My Lobster), James Milton Highsmith Award Winner (SFSU), National Ten-Minute Play Festival Finalist (Actors Theatre of Louisville), and Bay Area Playwrights Festival Semi-Finalist (Playwrights Foundation). Resident Artist: Bindlestiff Studio. Member: Dramatist Guild of America, and Theatre Bay Area. MFA, San Francisco State University. @consplayspace

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Scripts on this website are copyright protected and may not be reproduced, distributed, disseminated, altered or performed without the author’s prior written permission. conradap@gmail.com

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