CAST OF CHARACTERS
AUDREY. She/Her/Hers. 20-40s. Food truck chef. Spouse of Franklin.
FRANKLIN. He/Him/His. 20-40s. Food truck owner. Spouse of Audrey.
SETTING
Inside a food truck.
AUDREY a 30-something chef working on a Filipinx Food Truck is cleaning a counter of the inside of the truck. FRANKLIN enters the truck and gives AUDREY a kiss on the cheek.
AUDREY
What was that for?
FRANKLIN
That was for being an amazing chef!
AUDREY
I thought that was for being an amazing wife.
FRANKLIN
Meh. You’re still a better chef.
AUDREY
Hey!
FRANKLIN
Fine. It’s a tie.
AUDREY
I’ll take that. So, did Jeff say we can come back?
FRANKLIN
Can we come back? He offered us the golden parking spot on July 4th! Do you know how much money we’ll make that day?! It’ll be a killing!
AUDREY
That’s in two weeks.
FRANKLIN
And it’s all because of your cooking.
AUDREY
Well, it’s your mom’s recipe too.
FRANKLIN
Don’t tell her that or she’ll be wanting a cut of the profits.
AUDREY
Well, she could take a cut if she wanted to help us out.
FRANKLIN
No no no. I love her but I can’t take her saying, “You’re cutting this wrong. You’re adding too much of that. You’re breathing too loud.” I’ll stick with you as our head chef and me doing everything you being the only one to tell me to do.
AUDREY
Then I’m telling you that you need to hire someone else by the 4th.
FRANKLIN
Didn’t you say that Jennifer wanted to learn how to cook on a food truck?
AUDREY
No. I said that my sister wants to be a competitive food eater.
FRANKLIN
Oh, yeah. And I remember saying that’s the stupidist thing I’ve ever heard.
AUDREY
I wouldn’t say that her dream is the / stupidist thing-
FRANKLIN
Stuffing your face with mounds of / food is disgusting-
AUDREY
Well, it is a competition-
FRANKLIN
And then it’s a complete waste of food / is so annoying!
AUDREY
I wouldn’t say it’s a complete / waste-
FRANKLIN
Haven’t they ever heard of world hunger?
AUDREY
I want to be a competitive eater too.
FRANKLIN
Say what?
AUDREY
When Jenn and I were kids we used to race each other in who could eat our food the fastest. Cheerios. Speghetti-Os, Oreos. Everything. And when she heard that they were having a satellite tryout for the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs Eating Contest, she knew the only way she could get to Coney Island was if I was eating right next to her.
FRANKLIN
I think I’m going to get sick.
AUDREY
It better not be something I cooked.
FRANKLIN
No. It was something I heard.
You want to what?
AUDREY
I want to join the MLE–the Major League Eating Association.
FRANKLIN
Is that even real?
AUDREY
Me and Jenn will travel across America (and Canada too) eating our way to the top of the MLE boards and be known worldwide as the Eater Twins!
FRANKLIN
She’s your little sister and you don’t even look alike, so you can’t be twins!
AUDREY
But that’s how people will remember us–twin sisters that don’t look alike.
FRANKLIN
You’ve been spending too much time thinking about this.
AUDREY
I’ve had this dream for ever.
FRANKLIN
Your dream is to be called, The Unidentical Twin Gastronomers.
AUDREY
Ooooo…. I like that! And I can totally see our costumes now.
AUDREY searches for something to write with.
FRANKLIN
Audrey, what are you doing?
AUDREY
I need to write all this down. These gold ideas don’t fall from the sky.
FRANKLIN
You once had a gold idea of being the chef of the best food truck in the nation.
AUDREY
But that would only being trapped inside this hot kitchen. I’m talking about going from city to city on the food tour!
FRANKLIN
If you haven’t noticed, this kitchen has wheels and we can actually go from city to city!
AUDREY
But to just be a cook? I need to be on the other end of a bowl and compete!
FRANKLIN
How do you think we got the top spot for the 4th of July Food Truck Jamboree? It was because you kicked Britney’s Crafty Crepes in the Nutellas with your food!
AUDREY
It’s not the same thing, Franklin. I’ve spent the last year working by your side on your dreams. Can’t you do the same for me?
FRANKLIN
I promise to do that for you… after the 4th. With the profits we’ll make, you can take a couple of weeks off when can eat to your gullet’s content.
AUDREY
This dream will take longer than a couple of weeks to ingest. If anyone who should know that, it should be you.
FRANKLIN
And I do know that. And that’s exactly why you can’t bail on me right now. My dream. My finish line is right there. And you want to blow that all away for some fantasy of double stuff dunking your piehole with mystery meat that you’re going to wind up throwing up all over the place.
AUDREY
It’s not a fantasy. And there’s no mystery in a Nathan Hot Dog. It’s 100% pure beef! And you’re 100% all bologna! Find another chef!
AUDREY takes off her apron and throws it Franklin and begins to exit.
FRANKLIN
What about the 4th?
AUDREY
You can double stuff your 4th! Bye Franklin.
AUDREY begins to leave.
FRANKLIN
The MLE killed my cousin.
AUDREY stops.
AUDREY
Who?
FRANKLIN
Eric. My cousin from Iowa.
AUDREY
You never said you had a cousin from Iowa.
FRANKLIN
That’s because we can’t talk about what happened.
AUDREY
Can’t or won’t.
FRANKLIN
The MLE is a powerful organization. They like to believe how awesome they are by seeing how many hot dogs, chicken wings, and Easter Peeps people can eat. But what they hide from the people and ESPN is how many of their competitors get diabetes, high blood pressure or how many of them have died. When my aunt threatened to go to the press her son choked on his 6th pound of SPAM in under ten minutes, they threatened to sue her for slander and defamation.
AUDREY
Are you serious?
FRANKLIN
Why would I lie? He loved his SPAM.
AUDREY
I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
AUDREY gives Franklin a hug.
AUDREY (cont.)
Wait a minute…. Both of your parents don’t have any brothers… or sisters!
FRANKLIN
It was a distant cousin?
AUDREY
You liar!
FRANKLIN
But that could happen! Somebody’s cousin dies from choking on food all the time! So technically, it’s not a lie. I was really just trying to save your life!
AUDREY
That’s it! I’m gone.
FRANKLIN
What do you mean gone?
AUDREY
Gone from this conversation.
Gone from this truck.
Gone from this marriage.
FRANKLIN
Over not being able to eat?
AUDREY
Over not supporting my dream!
FRANKLIN
What about my dream?
AUDREY
We’re standing in your dream. Which is apparently more important to you than me.
AUDREY begins to exit.
FRANKLIN
I’ll sell my dream!
AUDREY stops.
FRANKLIN (cont.)
The truck. This business. This… dream. All of this means nothing if I don’t have you.
AUDREY
Franklin-
FRANKLIN
If leaving this behind will mean that you won’t leave me behind, then at least I can say that at one point in my life I achieved one of my dreams.
AUDREY
One of your dreams?
FRANKLIN
The other one was finding someone like you. And I’ll never give that up. And I don’t want you to give up on yours either.
AUDREY
Thank you.
They hug.
AUDREY
Maybe we don’t have to give up on any of our dreams?
FRANKLIN
I know that look.
AUDREY
You said that this truck has wheels, right?
FRANKLIN
Most trucks do, yes.
AUDREY
And we have food in this truck, yes?
FRANKLIN
So… you’re suggesting that we have food eating contests in this truck!
AUDREY
No, dummy. I’m saying that why don’t we take your dreams to all of my dreams around the country in order to make both of our dreams come true.
FRANKLIN
I take it back. You are a better wife than you are a chef!
They hug again!
FRANKLIN (cont.)
You’re still my wife, yes?
AUDREY
Only if you can get this truck to Coney Island by the 4th of July.
BLACKOUT.
END OF PLAY