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Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban

playwright | conradap@gmail.com

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walmart exterior

Welcome – Play 05

Posted on 08/11/2019 by Conrad

SETTING
Inside the front doors of a Walmart.

CHARACTER
Carlos. He/Him/His. 40+ Person of Color. Has a physical disability. Wears the Walmart blue vest as he works as a greeter at a Walmart.

CARLOS
Hello.
Hi.
Thank you for coming in today.
Hola.
Hi.
Good afternoon!
Hi.
Thanks for coming in.
Welcome.

It’s busy this morning. Must be the rollback sale on mason jars today. You can’t never have too many jars of jam. I love all kinds: strawberry, blackberry, raspberry… berry… berry. I love all kinds of jam. Sometimes, I even have my jam mixed up on a piece of wheat toast in the morning.

Hello.
Hi.
Bienvenidos.
Hi, Cindy! Here for the mason jars? I thought so. Okay, talk to you soon. Have a good day!

That’s Mrs. Kim. She makes the best mandarin marmalade! I’ve never even heard of that before until we got to talking one day. She usually comes in at the same time every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. She’s a strong woman and an amazing cook. One time she brought me some noodles… Jap Chae she called it. Best noodles I’ve ever had in my life. Her and her husband. Loyal guests. I miss him too.

I guess that’s my favorite thing about this job–making friends with our guests. I like saying guests more than customers. Makes it feel like that even though they come in here for clothes, tvs or toilet paper, they can feel welcome here.

Good afternoon.
Hello.

I love this part of the job, but the one title people don’t know I have is being the Chief Psychological Loss Prevention Officer. Did you know that most thefts can be prevented by simply looking at each guest in the eyes as they enter and say,

Hello.
Thanks for coming in.
Welcome.

It’s a proven statistic that when most people with criminal intent are immediately met with a warm greeting with direct eye-contact, product loss is prevented. Corporate thinks that this is a human guilt feature–that most people would feel more guilty by stealing or doing anything nefarious when first treated kind. I’d like to think that our guests are good people, so they don’t want to steal. And besides,

Hello.
Thanks for coming in.
¡Hola Señor Rodriguez! Donde es Ricardo y Marisol? ¡Que bueno! Como estas usted? Ah, muy bien. Muy Bien. Gracias. Hasta luego.

About time his son and daughter-in-law go on vacation. They work hard and are usually with Señor Rodriguez when he comes in. Doesn’t buy much, but he gets his exercise in before settling in his booth at McDonalds for a coffee and hashbrowns–the all-american breakfast if you ask me.

A couple of weeks ago, Señor Rodriguez helped us to catch a thief. While he was doing his rounds, he noticed that this woman with a stroller putting some diapers in it. He must have been following her around because he also took pictures of her putting air fresheners, padlocks, and an Instant Pot in the stroller before running, well, he can’t run, but he came up to me and showed me the pictures. Who says that you can’t teach our elders how to use a smartphone?

Hello.
How are you.
Thank you for coming in.
Hola.

I’m happy that there’s a place for me here. After coming back from Afghanistan, I forgot how to smile, how to laugh, how to be human. I forgot how to be. I was like that for a while until I saw how much the country I fought to defend started to forget what it started becoming–a land where people couldn’t talk to each other. A place where people started fearing other people. A country where its states were no longer united.

So, I guess in my own way, I wanted to change that by working here. Where else can you find Tapatío Salsa (aisle 19a), Little Debbies (aisle 24b), and Garlic Naan (aisle 14a) in one place, right? At the very least, we can provide a safe space where we can find these things to remind each of us of where we came from and what we can share together to be one, if you know what I’m saying. United bellies of America.

Bienvenidos.
Hello.
Thanks for coming in.

Welcome.

END OF PLAY

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Headshot of Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban (he/him/his) is an award-winning Filipino American playwright representing the San Francisco Bay Area. His plays include Daryo’s All-American Diner, Welga, and River’s Message. Conrad’s work has been produced by Bindlestiff Studio, The Chikahan Company, CIRCA Pintig (IL), the MaArte Theatre Collective, and CATS (Contemporary Asian Theatre Scene) . Awards include: Best Play of 2023, Daryo’s All-American Diner (BroadwayWorldAwards Chicago), Best New Play, Daryo’s All-American Diner (Chicago Reader, Best of 2023), Susan Fairbrook Playwright Fund Awardee (TheatreWorks Silicon Valley), 2023 New Voices in Comedy Writing Fellowship (Killing My Lobster), James Milton Highsmith Award Winner (SFSU), National Ten-Minute Play Festival Finalist (Actors Theatre of Louisville), and Bay Area Playwrights Festival Semi-Finalist (Playwrights Foundation). Resident Artist: Bindlestiff Studio. Member: Dramatist Guild of America, and Theatre Bay Area. MFA, San Francisco State University. @consplayspace

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