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Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban

playwright | conradap@gmail.com

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serve the people play image

Serve the People – Play 14

Posted on 08/18/2019 by Conrad

Lights up on GREG chewing something while BRETT watches.

BRETT
So what ya think?

GREG still chews and looks up in the air to form a thought on what he has just eaten.

BRETT
Too much salt? Not enough garlic?

GREG
Is that Monk Fruit?

BRETT
Oooo… you’re good.

GREG
I wouldn’t have thought that a Thanksgiving Meal in lumpia could work.

BRETT
All because of you and your mom, G!

GREG
Watch what you say about my mom!

BRETT
I’m giving you both my props, Bruh!

GREG
You’ve had lumpias before, Brett.

BRETT
But not like your Impossi-Jolli-Burger Lumpias! Revolutionary my man!

GREG
It’s called in-o-vative ingenuity, mi compadre!

BRETT
I call it delicious.

GREG
Well, that doesn’t hurt too.

BRETT
And the Mac-N-Cheese-Roll wasn’t too cheesy for you?

GREG
If I could stretch the cheese out any longer, I’d be in Sacramento.

BRETT
That’s a good thing?

GREG
Homie. It’s the best thing.

BRETT
And the apple-rito wasn’t too cinnemony?

GREG
Dude! Why you trippin’ so hard? Gwendolyn’s gonna love your food!

BRETT
Thanks! It means a lot coming from you.

GREG
I give props where props are due.

BRETT
Thanks… Ummmm…. There’s something I need to tell you.

GREG
Oooo… that sounded serious.

BRETT
It’s not… well, it kinda is, but… it’s just… um…

GREG
As long as you don’t tell me you’re in love with me or anything like that cuz I thought you had the hots for Gwen-

BRETT
I do-

GREG
Cuz if you don’t, do you mind letting me know so I can swoop in on that-

BRETT
I have a meeting with Swansons.

GREG
Swansons?

BRETT
Yeah.

GREG
Oh.

BRETT
But only if it’s cool with you? If not, then just say the work-

GREG
Nah. I’m good. I’m… Swansons?

BRETT
Yeah…

GREG
So is that why you asked me to come over? To see if your egg rolls were good enough for them?

BRETT
I’d still call them Lumpia.

GREG
How dare you?

BRETT
They asked to meet with me.

GREG
And how did they know that you’d want to meet with them?

BRETT
After they tasted my Thanksgiving Day Feast Appetizer Rolls.

GREG
You just said that you’d call them Lumpia.

BRETT
They still are technically.

GREG
After they screwed over me and my mom?!

BRETT
I didn’t know they’d do that!

GREG
But you know now!

BRETT
They’re offering more money than I’ve ever seen in my life.

GREG
They’re offering you the money that should have been mine!

BRETT
I’m sorry that you’re not able to offer them something you obviously can’t give.

GREG
That I’m not white?

BRETT
Low blow, man.

GREG
Why else would they offer you what’s mine?

BRETT
Because you’re not as creative as me.

GREG
Wrong answer! I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.

BRETT
Why not?

GREG
Because the Lumpia isn’t yours to make money off of!

BRETT
Who made you the food police? And hello? The Chinese were the first people to make the spring rolls!

GREG
But it was you who practically jizzed in his pants after tasting my mom’s Pork Siopao Lumpia which Swanson’s stole the recipe from to sell back in the Philippines. Do you know how much they sold last year?

BRETT
Why do you even care-?

GREG
They’re sales alone was six million dollars! SIX MILLION MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS off of our creation! And they’re fucking from New Jersey! They first fucking spelled the Philippines with an F for Fucks Sake!

BRETT
I could get you in on this deal.

GREG
Say what?

BRETT
I get in through the front, you go ninja in through the side and we both in like Flynn! The next mil off your Lumpia-Si-Logs is all yours!

GREG
You don’t get it do you?

BRETT
Dude! I’m offering you a way to go subversive and shit and go robin hood on their asses so you can laugh your way to the bank.

GREG
Brett. It’s called appropriation for your non-educated ass.

BRETT
Greg, it’s called appreciation for the food to keep people fed and alive.

GREG
Motherfucker, it’s called Capitalist Colonization to take the meals of my ancestors and turn it around as a way to oppress, exploit, and stereotype a hard working people by showing how happy they are on the billboards that rise above coconut trees that line the R-8 Expressway en route to the Cordilleras where the Ifugao are fighting with land developers and the military for the human rights of education, healthcare, and to farm their own land! You best recognize your privilege that came with this precious offer. Because it’s the same one that’s keeping all of us divided, unequal, and angered. And that’s what’s keeping us far from being great.

GREG begins to leave.

GREG (cont.)
Good luck with your offer.

BRETT
G! Hold up.

GREG stops, turns around, and gives a gesture to say, “What’s up? What you gotta say now?”

BRETT
Serve the People.

GREG
Serve the what?

BRETT
Serve the People food. Your food. My food. I don’t care. Our food.
Fuck the offer, man. I’ve been runnin’ with you since we both got detention for beaming Mr. Joe in the head during dodgeball.

GREG
Always against the man.

BRETT
Always against the man.

GREG and BRETT bump fists.

BRETT
Sorry G.

GREG
You’ll always be a knucklehead.

BRETT
But I’m your knucklehead.

GREG
And I’ll be your boy.
So…. Serve The People?

BRETT
A Food truck, bruh.

GREG
So we can go to them?

BRETT
So we can go to them.

GREG
Word.

BLACKOUT.

END OF PLAY

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Headshot of Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban (he/him/his) is an award-winning Filipino American playwright representing the San Francisco Bay Area. His plays include Daryo’s All-American Diner, Welga, and River’s Message. Conrad’s work has been produced by Bindlestiff Studio, The Chikahan Company, CIRCA Pintig (IL), the MaArte Theatre Collective, and CATS (Contemporary Asian Theatre Scene) . Awards include: Best Play of 2023, Daryo’s All-American Diner (BroadwayWorldAwards Chicago), Best New Play, Daryo’s All-American Diner (Chicago Reader, Best of 2023), Susan Fairbrook Playwright Fund Awardee (TheatreWorks Silicon Valley), 2023 New Voices in Comedy Writing Fellowship (Killing My Lobster), James Milton Highsmith Award Winner (SFSU), National Ten-Minute Play Festival Finalist (Actors Theatre of Louisville), and Bay Area Playwrights Festival Semi-Finalist (Playwrights Foundation). Resident Artist: Bindlestiff Studio. Member: Dramatist Guild of America, and Theatre Bay Area. MFA, San Francisco State University. @consplayspace

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