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Conrad A. Panganiban

playwright | conradap@gmail.com

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sarahs new favorite utensil thumbnail

Sarah’s New Favorite Utensil! – A Sketch

Posted on 05/10/202405/10/2024 by Conrad

Spoon and Fork Image by congerdesign from Pixabay
Chopsticks Image by Markus Winkler from Pixabay

Cast:
SPOON – Hippie, peace, and love
FORK – Opportunistic manipulator
CHOPSTICK LEFT – High-energy motivational team player
CHOPSTICK RIGHT – High-energy motivational team player

Setting: Inside a kitchen’s cutlery drawer

(Lights up to reveal the inside of a cutlery drawer with SPOON and FORK beside each other.)

SPOON
You know, Fork, with Knife out of the way, Sarah’s gonna want a new favorite utensil. Who do you think put it in the garbage disposal and turned it on?

FORK
Why are you looking at me like that, Spoon? Besides, Sarah already picked me.

SPOON
How? The only thing you’re good for is poking.

FORK
I’m a Fork. And I stab, not poke.

SPOON
And that’s why you’ll never be her favorite. You’re too violent. And Sarah loves my spooning action!

(Enter CHOPSTICK LEFT and CHOPSTICK RIGHT.)

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Hi

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Everyone!

FORK
Who are you?

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
We’re

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Chopsticks.

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Sarah

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Bought

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Us

CHOPSTICK LEFT
At

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Daiso

SPOON
Do you have to talk like that?

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like

CHOPSTICK LEFT
What?

FORK
Like that! Stop it. It’s fucking creepy.
Wait! She bought them to replace me as Sarah’s new favorite utensil! Not on my watch!

(FORK begins to chase both chopsticks around the stage. The chopsticks work together by splitting up causing FORK to give chase until it tires out.)

FORK
That’s. Not. Fair. There’s two of you. And only one of me.
Thanks for your help, Spoon!
SPOON
What do you expect me to do? Spoon them to death?

CHOPSTICK LEFT
We

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Work

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Together

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like

CHOPSTICK LEFT
A

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Team

FORK
Like a team? Hmm… Hey, Spoon! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

SPOON
Like how I could be used to eat cotton candy?

FORK
No! Come here.

(SPOON walks over to FORK who whispers in Spoon’s spoon.)

SPOON
You think it’ll work?

FORK
If we work as a team and it could.

SPOON
Time to get a scoopin’!

(FORK and SPOON chase the chopsticks. SPOON corners CHOPSTICK LEFT and FORK forces CHOPSTICK RIGHT to get cornered into SPOON.)

SPOON
I got them! START STABBING!!!

(Just then a light shines from above. The cutlery drawer opens!)

SPOON
It’s Sarah!

FORK
Time to find out who’s Sarah’s favorite!

CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON
WOAH!!!!

(CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON exit.)

SPOON
WE WON BITCHES!!!

FORK
Wait! What’s Sarah going to do with one chopstick and a spoon?

(Music for LET’S GET IT ON by Marvin Gaye starts to play.)

BLACKOUT

Sarah’s New Favorite Utensil! by Conrad A. Panganiban

Cast:
SPOON – Hippie, peace, and love
FORK – Opportunistic manipulator
CHOPSTICK LEFT – High-energy motivational team player
CHOPSTICK RIGHT – High-energy motivational team player

Setting: Inside a kitchen’s cutlery drawer

(Lights up to reveal the inside of a cutlery drawer with SPOON and FORK beside each other.)

SPOON
You know, Fork, with Knife out of the way, Sarah’s gonna want a new favorite utensil. Who do you think put it in the garbage disposal and turned it on?

FORK
Why are you looking at me like that, Spoon? Besides, Sarah already picked me.

SPOON
How? The only thing you’re good for is poking.

FORK
I’m a Fork. And I stab, not poke.

SPOON
And that’s why you’ll never be her favorite. You’re too violent. And Sarah loves my spooning action!

(Enter CHOPSTICK LEFT and CHOPSTICK RIGHT.)

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Hi

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Everyone!

FORK
Who are you?

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
We’re

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Chopsticks.

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Sarah

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Bought

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Us

CHOPSTICK LEFT
At

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Daiso

SPOON
Do you have to talk like that?

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like

CHOPSTICK LEFT
What?

FORK
Like that! Stop it. It’s fucking creepy.
Wait! She bought them to replace me as Sarah’s new favorite utensil! Not on my watch!

(FORK begins to chase both chopsticks around the stage. The chopsticks work together by splitting up causing FORK to give chase until it tires out.)

FORK
That’s. Not. Fair. There’s two of you. And only one of me.
Thanks for your help, Spoon!
SPOON
What do you expect me to do? Spoon them to death?

CHOPSTICK LEFT
We

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Work

CHOPSTICK LEFT
Together

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like

CHOPSTICK LEFT
A

CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Team

FORK
Like a team? Hmm… Hey, Spoon! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

SPOON
Like how I could be used to eat cotton candy?

FORK
No! Come here.

(SPOON walks over to FORK who whispers in Spoon’s spoon.)

SPOON
You think it’ll work?

FORK
If we work as a team and it could.

SPOON
Time to get a scoopin’!

(FORK and SPOON chase the chopsticks. SPOON corners CHOPSTICK LEFT and FORK forces CHOPSTICK RIGHT to get cornered into SPOON.)

SPOON
I got them! START STABBING!!!

(Just then a light shines from above. The cutlery drawer opens!)

SPOON
It’s Sarah!

FORK
Time to find out who’s Sarah’s favorite!

CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON
WOAH!!!!

(CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON exit.)

SPOON
WE WON BITCHES!!!

FORK
Wait! What’s Sarah going to do with one chopstick and a spoon?

(Music for LET’S GET IT ON by Marvin Gaye starts to play.)

BLACKOUT

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Headshot of Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban (he/him/his) is an award-winning Filipino American playwright representing the San Francisco Bay Area. His plays include Daryo’s All-American Diner, Welga, and River’s Message. Conrad’s work has been produced by Bindlestiff Studio, The Chikahan Company, CIRCA Pintig (IL), the MaArte Theatre Collective, and CATS (Contemporary Asian Theatre Scene) . Awards include: Best Play of 2023, Daryo’s All-American Diner (BroadwayWorldAwards Chicago), Best New Play, Daryo’s All-American Diner (Chicago Reader, Best of 2023), Susan Fairbrook Playwright Fund Awardee (TheatreWorks Silicon Valley), 2023 New Voices in Comedy Writing Fellowship (Killing My Lobster), James Milton Highsmith Award Winner (SFSU), National Ten-Minute Play Festival Finalist (Actors Theatre of Louisville), and Bay Area Playwrights Festival Semi-Finalist (Playwrights Foundation). Resident Artist: Bindlestiff Studio. Member: Dramatist Guild of America, and Theatre Bay Area. MFA, San Francisco State University. @consplayspace

Copyright Notice

Scripts on this website are copyright protected and may not be reproduced, distributed, disseminated, altered or performed without the author’s prior written permission. conradap@gmail.com

Creative Commons License
The work on conradpanganiban.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Pixabay.com

Some of the images used on this site, especially for the featured pictures, are from https://pixabay.com/

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