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Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban

playwright | conradap@gmail.com

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tacos

The Taco Belle of Fruitvale (Updated March 2020)

Posted on 05/24/202405/24/2024 by Conrad

Feature Image by adamlot from Pixabay

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CAST OF CHARACTERS
BELLE: 20s. She/Her/Hers. Person of Color. Owner and head chef of The Taco Belle of Fruitvale.
MARCEL: Teens – 20s . Gender-Neutral. Person of Color. A talented, yet desperate, young adult who has the talent to decipher the layers of ingredients of a taco.

SETTING
In the present on a street in the Fruitvale Neighborhood of Oakland, CA.

Lights up on BELLE as she is holding an insulated food bag with a sign reading, FREE TACOS. In front of her is MARCEL, a mugger, with their fingers shaped as a gun in their jacket pointed towards Belle.

MARCEL
For the last time, hand it over!

BELLE
And for the last time, I said NO!

MARCEL
Is your money worth more than your life?

BELLE
Oh…oh… (surprised) OH! You’re talking about my money? Oh my God, I thought you were talking about my tacos.

MARCEL
Hell no! What would I do with your tacos?

BELLE
Duh! Eat them?

MARCEL
I know what to do with them!

BELLE
Then why’d you ask?

MARCEL
I’m just sayin’ that your money is worth more to me than your crappy tacos.

BELLE
Oooooooooooo! Eh-cuse me!?

MARCEL
Excuse you, who?!

BELLE
Did you say MY crappy tacos?

MARCEL
If you’re giving them away for free, then one can deduce that they are crappy!

BELLE
Oh, you did not go there!

MARCEL
I got no time for this Lady! Give me your money or else??!!!

BELLE
You don’t know who I am, do you?

MARCEL
Yeah, you’re the Lady who’s going to give me all her money.

BELLE
You never heard of The Taco Belle of Fruitvale?

MARCEL
No.

BELLE
No?! The Taco Belle of Fruitvale?

MARCEL
There ain’t no taco bells here, Lady! Just a Wendy’s up the street.

BELLE
What?!

BELLE begins to go into convulsions over the fact that Marcel doesn’t know who she is!

MARCEL
Yo! I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had Epilepsy! Cuz, I ain’t into robbin’ people with disabilities!

BELLE
You mean you’ve never heard of the The Taco… The the Taco Belle… of…

MARCEL
You havin’ another epileptic attack?

BELLE
I’m The Taco Belle of Fruitvale!

MARCEL
Ooooh! You just Crazy.
Okay. Okay, Lady. Fine, uh, you’re the Taco Bell and I’m the Burger King. So, we cool?

BELLE digs into her bag and pulls out a taco.

BELLE
Here!

MARCEL
What is that?!

BELLE
What does it look like?! It’s a taco!

MARCEL
Okay?

BELLE
Eat it!

MARCEL
I’m not / hungry…

BELLE
EAT IT!!!

MARCEL
Okay! Daymn! I swear I better not get diarrhea from this!

BELLE
EAT!!!

MARCEL
OKAY!!!

MARCEL takes a bite out of the taco. And then another. Then they pull out their hand from their pocket which was obviously the “gun” and devours the last bite of the taco.

BELLE
Well?

MARCEL
OH MY GOD! What was that?

BELLE
A taco, stupid!

MARCEL
Was that a hint of Cayenne and Worcester Sauce with a drop of Sweet Baby… no… not Sweet Baby Ray’s.. that’s Everett and Jones BBQ sauce marinated into the Lechon?

BELLE
Who told you that?

MARCEL
And is that Calamansi juice instead of Lime?

BELLE
Who told you that?!

MARCEL
Nobody! It’s in the food you practically shoved down my throat!

BELLE pulls out a plastic knife from her bag!

BELLE
That’s a secret recipe! And who told you that?!

MARCEL
Yo! Put that down!

BELLE starts to chase MARCEL around the stage while shouting the following…

BELLE
Who told you my recipe!?
Get back here!
Was it Mrs. Lopez? She was always jealous of me!
Or was it Mr. Simpson? Oooo I’m cutting him next!
Stop running around!

MARCEL
Nobody told me!

BELLE
Impossible!

MARCEL
I could taste it!

BELLE
Calamansi doesn’t even grow here in Oakland!

MARCEL
My grandma grows a calamansi tree in our back yard!

BELLE
Then how did you know about the bar-b-que sauce?

MARCEL
Everett and Jones is my favorite. They started up here in Oakland!

BELLE, winded, starts to slow down.

BELLE
On.
92nd.
Avenue.

BELLE stops chasing Marcel around and puts
her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

MARCEL stops as well.

MARCEL
What?

BELLE
Everett and Jones started their barbecue joint on 92nd and East 14th.

MARCEL
I put their sauce on everything.

BELLE
I do too. Oakland supports…

MARCEL
Oakland.

BELLE
So you could really taste all of that?

MARCEL
You added too much Rosemary, but it still works.

BELLE
If I weren’t still out of breath, I’d cut you for saying that.
It’s the perfect amount of Rosemary.

MARCEL
Depending on the time of year, the amount of Rosemary used effects the flavor palette.
It’s science.

BELLE
You some kind of scientist?

MARCEL
Nah. I’m just particular about my food.

BELLE
You’re the first person who’s ever guessed what was in my tacos.

MARCEL
I didn’t have to guess.

BELLE
It was a lucky guess.

MARCEL
Whatever.
Now, give me all your money!

BELLE
Hold up a minute.

MARCEL
I already spent like five minutes running away from you and that knife!

BELLE
How would you like to make some money?

MARCEL
That’s what I’m tryin’ to do!

BELLE
Legally, stupid!

MARCEL
Don’t call me stupid!

BELLE
Or what? You’re going to shoot me with your finger?

MARCEL
Hey! I know Kung Fu and this finger is a deadly weapon!

BELLE
Then what about using your tongue?

MARCEL
Uh, that sounds hella nasty.

BELLE
I meant that you can make money with your tongue and have a regular gig if your Kung Fu hands knows how to use a knife.

MARCEL
Lady, I ain’t got time for your riddles.

BELLE
You cannot be as stupid as you look.
I’m asking you if you’d like to have a job working for me? As a cook.

MARCEL
Why would I want to cook, when I could steal?

BELLE
Trying to rob people with a finger’s going to get you killed. Making tacos will keep you alive… and fed.

MARCEL
Why should I?

BELLE
Because you have a gift.
I’ve been needing an assistant for a long minute and I even tried asking my sister, but she can’t cook toast. She couldn’t even tell the difference between Lechon and Carnitas.

MARCEL
Actually, that taco was made with Lechon Kawali. But this cooking talk ain’t gonna go anywhere. Sorry, to burst your bubble Lady, but nobody’s ever made money from making tacos.

BELLE
I feel like I’m talking to a person that’s 50 percent savant, and 50 percent idiot.

MARCEL
That’s it! I don’t have to take this.
Keep your money and your stupid tacos.

MARCEL starts to walk away.

BELLE
I made $250,000 in sales last year alone.

MARCEL stops and turns around.

BELLE
$75,000 the year before and 20 grand the year before that. The Taco Belle, as in Belle from the Beauty and the Beast…

MARCEL
Which one are you?

BELLE
If you weren’t so talented I’d end you right now. But, as I was saying, my business, The Taco Belle of Fruitvale, has an exponential growth rate and I’m offering you an opportunity to change your life.

MARCEL
Two-hundred and fifty G’s? How you selling tacos at gentrified prices cuz nobody here in Fruitvale gonna pay you that much for a taco especially with the other taco joints up the street on International?

BELLE
You’d be surprised by how much the imported High Tech Hipster kids across the bridge would pay for what I make. But best believe, I’m not out here to take away the opportunities from the other family owned restaurants in our hood. I’m only out here trying to feed the people, our Oakland people, who are temporarily down on their luck in the camps around The Town.

MARCEL
So, you’re like a regular Robin Hood.

BELLE
I need time to create new recipes if I want to keep Robin Hooding from the Peninsula Richie Riches, so I need someone to hold down the fort while I do just that. And if anyone, and I’m talking about you, can decipher my secret recipe, then that person has the talent to help put this company over the million dollar mark and this sister, and I’m talking about me, can keep feeding and hiring our people and finally go on a long European Vacation!
So what do you say?

MARCEL
Have you ever considered pickling cabbage with habenero sauce for a garnish?

BELLE
A Mexican-style Kim Chee?

MARCEL extends their hand to Belle.

MARCEL
My name is Marcel.
When do I start?

They shake hands as lights begin to fade out.

END OF PLAY

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Related

1 thought on “The Taco Belle of Fruitvale (Updated March 2020)”

  1. Danny Nguyen says:
    04/16/2020 at 9:41 am

    Cute & funy 🙂

Comments are closed.

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Headshot of Conrad A. Panganiban

Conrad A. Panganiban (he/him/his) is an award-winning Filipino American playwright representing the San Francisco Bay Area. His plays include Daryo’s All-American Diner, Welga, and River’s Message. Conrad’s work has been produced by Bindlestiff Studio, The Chikahan Company, CIRCA Pintig (IL), the MaArte Theatre Collective, and CATS (Contemporary Asian Theatre Scene) . Awards include: Best Play of 2023, Daryo’s All-American Diner (BroadwayWorldAwards Chicago), Best New Play, Daryo’s All-American Diner (Chicago Reader, Best of 2023), Susan Fairbrook Playwright Fund Awardee (TheatreWorks Silicon Valley), 2023 New Voices in Comedy Writing Fellowship (Killing My Lobster), James Milton Highsmith Award Winner (SFSU), National Ten-Minute Play Festival Finalist (Actors Theatre of Louisville), and Bay Area Playwrights Festival Semi-Finalist (Playwrights Foundation). Resident Artist: Bindlestiff Studio. Member: Dramatist Guild of America, and Theatre Bay Area. MFA, San Francisco State University. @consplayspace

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Scripts on this website are copyright protected and may not be reproduced, distributed, disseminated, altered or performed without the author’s prior written permission. conradap@gmail.com

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