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The Pascual Family Detectives
A 10-Minute Whodunit
by
Conrad A. Panganiban
Lights up inside a living room with a blood stained carpet in the center of the floor where KEN PASCUAL, a 30 year old Filipino American and former Los Angeles Police Detective, is standing above a small office trash can holding a piece of paper and reading it to himself.
Enter IRMA PASCUAL, a Filipina American in her 60’s wearing glasses on a string hanging around her neck. While KEN is lost in his thoughts while reading, IRMA picks up a couple of items from an end table and puts them back down until she notices something.
IRMA
Ken, where did you move the… HOY!
KEN puts the piece of paper in his pocket.
KEN
Ma! Why aren’t you in the car?!
IRMA
It’s too hot in there! And who’s house is this?!
Oh! Are you investigating one of your cases?
KEN
No, Mom. I told you that I stopped being a detective when I moved back.
IRMA
Did I ask you to move back? No!
And, the only thing that I asked for, was for you to drive me to Ranch 99 because they’re having a sale on Ryce with a Y.
KEN
You mean, 99 Ranch?
IRMA
No, I meant, RANCH 99!
KEN
Ma, calm down. I’m just used to calling it 99 Ranch back home.
IRMA
Well, when you move back to your home in Los Angeles, you can call it 99 Ranch. But here in the South Bay-
KEN
They have a South Bay too-
IRMA
The only South Bay that matters is here. Where you grew up. And where your family lives. And where Ranch 99 is RANCH 99! If you’re not happy here, then you can always go back to your fake South Bay.
KEN
How many times do I have to tell you that I am HAPPY to be back?!
IRMA
You don’t SOUND HAPPY!
KEN
I AM HAPPY!!!
I mean, I am Happy.
And I’ll be even more happier when you wait for me in the car.
A gun sticks out of the door and into the house.
FRANCES (O.S.)
Freeze!
Enter FRANCES CHEN, a 30-something Chinese American Santa Clara PD Detective, with her firearm pointed at them as she enters the living room.
FRANCES (CONT’D)
Put both of your hands up!
KEN and IRMA puts both of their hands up.
IRMA
Wait a minute?
IRMA puts on her glasses.
IRMA (CONT’D)
Isn’t that your girlfriend, Kenneth?
FRANCES
Mrs. Pascual?
KEN
(to IRMA)
Mom, it’s not high school anymore.
(to FRANCES)
Sorry, Frances.
FRANCES
(holstering her firearm)
Ken, what are you doing here?
IRMA
That’s what I asked him! We were on our way to Ranch 99 to buy Ryce with a Y when I told him that I saw his old tennis coach was murdered on the news. Then he drove like a crazy person over here.
FRANCES
Ken, this isn’t the LAPD. It’s the Santa Clara Police Department. And we handle murder cases differently here.
IRMA
Wait, was Coach Chantarangsu killed here?
FRANCES
(pointing to the blood stained carpet)
Right over there.
IRMA looks at the stained carpet and hits KEN.
IRMA
Why did you bring me to a murder scene?!
Just then a black haired Shih Tzu named SHADOW enters the room and runs to Frances barking.
SHADOW
Bark bark bark bark bark!
KEN
Shadow? Is that you?
Hearing Ken, a happy SHADOW goes to Ken and lathers him up with licks.
KEN
Okay, boy. Okay! Nice to see you too!
EDNA (O.S.)
Shadow! Shadow! Why’d you run in-?
Enter EDNA CHANTARANGSU, the 60-something Cambodian American owner of the house and the widow of Coach Chantarangsu.
FRANCES
Hello, Mrs. Chantarangsu.
KEN
Hi, Mrs. C. Remember me? Ken Pascual from Wilcox High? From Coach’s tennis team?
EDNA
Ken. Is that you? My, you haven’t changed a bit!
KEN
Thanks. I’m really sorry about Coach.
EDNA
Thank you. Are you here to find out what happened to him? Fred was really proud of you. Especially when he saw you on the news solving the biggest crimes in L.A.
FRANCES
No, Mrs. Chantarangsu. I told you yesterday that I was going to find out who killed your husband. Ken and his mom were just leaving-
IRMA
But, what about the candlestick holder that’s hidden behind the television?
FRANCES goes to look behind the T.V., sees an object, pulls out a glove from her back pocket and grabs the candlestick holder from behind a TV.
IRMA
I bet if you find the fingerprints, you’ll find the murderer.
Enter MILTON PHAN, the smarmy real estate developer holding a contract.
MILTON
(Off-Stage)
Mrs. Chantarangsu. I really need you to sign-
(Entering through door)
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you had company.
SHADOW begins to bark madly at MILTON. MILTON rolls up the contract like a stick and holds it in defense as KEN holds Shadow back.
MILTON
Get that furry beast away from me!
IRMA
I know you. They play your commercial at Ranch 99-
(Acts like the Advertisement)
“Is selling your house making you hot?”
EDNA
“Then you need a Phan.”
FRANCES
“Milton Phan.”
MILTON
“That’s me! Silicon Valley’s Hottest Real Estate Man!”
MILTON takes out a business card and holds it out to Ken.
KEN
Thanks. Now we can check for fingerprints.
MILTON pulls back the business card and puts it in his pocket.
MILTON
Fingerprints for what? I’m here strictly on business.
FRANCES
Was part of your business to murder Mr. Chantarangsu with this candlestick holder?
IRMA goes over to FRANCES and holds out her hand asking her to look at the candlestick holder. FRANCES gives it to her.
EDNA
Why would someone want to murder my husband?
KEN
Maybe it had to do with Coach’s gambling problem.
MILTON
I don’t know anything about no gambling problem. All I do know is that Mr. Chantarangsu was set to make millions by signing this contract.
FRANCES
A contract for what?
MILTON
To sell this house. He said that he needed to sell this place to pay off some debts.
EDNA
Four generations of my family have owned this home. Fred knew I was never going to agree to signing a contract.
FRANCES
(to MILTON)
Is that why you killed him? Because he wasn’t going to sell it to you?
MILTON
Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA! I may be a lot of things: a real estate agent, a used car salesman, a psychic, but I’m definitely not a killer. And I lost my commission the day he died. That’s why I’m here to get Mrs. Chatarangsu’s signature because she’s still alive!
IRMA
He’s right. He didn’t kill the Coach. He doesn’t have any black fur on his hands.
MILTON
I don’t? I mean, yeah. I don’t! No fur. Look! No hairy palms here!
MILTON shows them his hands.
FRANCES
What are you saying, Mrs. Pascual?
IRMA holds out the candlestick holder.
IRMA
If you take a closer look, you’ll see tiny black fur. The same black fur that’s missing from Shadow’s left paw.
SHADOW starts to bark at Irma. KEN holds Shadow back.
EDNA
Shadow?
KEN
There’s no way a dog-
FRANCES
(looking at the candlestick holder)
Tiny strands of black fur stuck to the base of the candlestick holder.
EDNA
SHADOW!?
FRANCES gives the candlestick holder to EDNA who begins to inspect it.
SHADOW
Bark… Baark… Bahhhh, I can’t lie anymore! Coach C was going to sign the deal with Milton! Bark!
I was asleep right over there when that Phan man told the Coach that this was the last house on the block to sell. So he offered him 8 million dollars to move so another company can build another Great America made exclusively for CATS! I’m a dog! What was I supposed to do?! And I was only trying to hurt his writing hand so he couldn’t sign the contract, but the candlestick holder slipped from my paw and… and… I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I feel horrible! I deserve to get… to get…
IRMA
Put down? Go to your final Vet Visit? Take a walk over the Rainbow Bridge?
SHADOW
I’m not ready to walk over any bridges!
(Runs to EDNA and starts to Beg)
Please Mommy. Don’t let them put me to sleep!
SHADOW starts to whimper louder and louder. EDNA starts to pet him on the head.
EDNA
It’s okay, Shadow. It’s okay. I know that it was an accident.
(to FRANCES)
Are you going to take him away… or call Animal Control?
FRANCES
I don’t think the Santa Clara PD’s ever charged an animal with murder… or if that’s even possible. But the decision is yours, Mrs. Chantarangsu.
MILTON
So, does that mean I can leave?
FRANCES
Shhh / ure.
MILTON runs out the door.
EDNA
(Petting Shadow)
I know it was an accident, boy. You’re the only family I have left now and I’m not letting anyone walk you over a Rainbow Bridge except for me. Just me and my Shadow.
KEN
I’m sorry that Coach died this way. But I’m glad that the Reznikov Brothers weren’t involved.
(takes out the piece of paper from his pocket)
Their names were on this. I found it in the trash can. They’re responsible for a lot of gambling crime and murders on the West Coast.
FRANCES
(to KEN)
They’re not your problem, ex-cop! So, let it go.
(to IRMA)
But you, on the other hand. Great job on helping solve the case, Mrs. Pascual.
KEN
Yeah, how did you know that the candlestick holder was behind the T.V.?
IRMA
From the circle of dust on the end table… who only has one candlestick holder, di ba?
And I knew it was behind the T.V. from Season 10, Episode 13 of Murder, She Wrote.
When Jessica found a candlestick holder behind a painting. And what’s the only thing in this living room that has moving pictures? A Television.
FRANCES
Well, I’m glad that you remembered that part from Murder, She Wrote.
EDNA
(suspiciously)
Me too.
FRANCES
Well, I better get going and finish writing a report. Case closed thanks to you.
KEN
You’re welcome.
I’ll see you around.
FRANCES
I better not!
FRANCES exits.
KEN
Ma, how did you remember that part from that T.V. show?
IRMA
I don’t know. I just…
I know I’m not good at remembering things anymore. But I do remember hearing Dr. Suresh call what I have as moderate dementia.
I was outside the doctor’s office when she told your sister…
And I know that’s why you left your dream job in Los Angeles to move back here, before I… I got worse. I’m sorry that you had to do that, Anak.
KEN
It’s okay, Mom.
I’m glad I’m home.
With you.
SHADOW
Bark!
KEN
Yes, boy. Like a Shadow.
(to IRMA)
We better get going. Still need to go to Ranch 99 to get your bags of Ryce with a Y?
IRMA
I’d like that.
KEN
Sorry to break into your home, Mrs. C.
IRMA
I’ll keep praying for your husband’s soul.
EDNA
Please do.
SHADOW
Can I walk them to their car? Can I, can I, can I?
EDNA
Go ahead. Just don’t run into the street again.
KEN, IRMA, and SHADOW exit. EDNA makes sure that they’ve left.
EDNA
(while holding the candlestick holder)
I’m sorry, Fred. I told you to drop it when you found my gambling receipts from the Reznikovs! They were after me… not you.
(tapping the candlestick holder against her open hand)
Now to find those brothers and end all of this–once and for all.
You can bet on it.
Hmph. I thought I hid this where no one would ever find it.
Damn, those Pascual Family Detectives.
Lights fade out.
END OF PLAY