Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
Don’t Bring Up The War
A Sketch by Conrad A. Panganiban
CAST:
MONICA – DEVON’s mom and a war veteran
DEVON – MONICA’s adult daughter and Shawn’s partner
SHAWN – DEVON’s fidgety partner
SETTING: A mall food court.
(Lights up on DEVON and a nervous Shawn.)
DEVON
Stop fidgeting! You’re going to do fine.
SHAWN
Meeting a parent for the first time is always scary!
DEVON
Just be yourself. There she is.
(Enter MONICA.)
DEVON
And whatever you do, don’t mention the war.
SHAWN
What?
(DEVON goes to greet her mom and they hug.)
DEVON
Mom! You found the place.
MONICA
You said it’s by the Hot Dog on a Stick. And there it is.
SHAWN
Hello Major Corporal Parker.
MONICA
I see Devon has prepped you for this interrogation.
SHAWN
Interrogation?
DEVON
She’s kidding. You’re kidding.
MONICA
Of course. So, Devon says that you are a Marine Biologist.
SHAWN
Yes, mam. My office is at the Aquarium on the shore.
MONICA
War? Did you say war?
It’s like that time when we crawled in the mud through the jungles of Costa Rica on a mission to save the scientists looking for a cure for N482, the nerve agent that… well, that’s classified. But what’s not classified is that WAR IS HELL!
DEVON
Shawn said shore. He works at the Shore.
MONICA
Oh. I see. That location is so peaceful. The seagulls when they caw always fill me with so much tranquility.
SHAWN
Tranquility is good to have. I learned how to meditate when I was in the Peace Corp.
MONICA
War? Did you say, WAR?!
It’s like that time when I was stationed near Bunker Hill! There was this upstart soldier named Alexander Hamilton. He kept whining about not wanting to throw away his shot! I even challenged him to a duel because everything he said was in rhyme. That gets really annoying!
DEVON
Mom! You said that you’d stop talking about that war.
MONICA
I can’t help it if your “friend” keeps bringing it up.
SHAWN
You’re right. I’ll never ever mention anything about any war.
MONICA
THE WAR?! DID YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAR!!!
I’ll never forget the time when Thanos dropped down from a giant spaceship and started wreaking havoc. If it wasn’t for me, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America, we’d all be doomed! DOOMED I TELL YA!!!
SHAWN
Uh… uh… I’m gonna check on our Hot Dog on a Stick.
(Exit SHAWN.)
DEVON
Mom! You can’t go around scaring every guy I like!
MONICA
Oh Honey. You’re too good for him. He’s too high-strung and nervous. I say we ditch him and watch a peaceful movie.
DEVON
Well, Gladiator 2 just came out.
MONICA
Perfect!
(Exit DEVON and MONICA.)
BLACKOUT