Image by Lisa Yount from Pixabay
I lost the magic that theatre always leaves me with. Thinking back, I think I lost it after a performance of a sold out stage reading event I had the utmost honor of being a part of. I’ve written about this in a previous post, where after the performance, I felt empty. Don’t get me wrong, the event was amazing and my play out of the 4-5 did great, but I was really more excited about the other plays and those playwrights! That was a great feeling to see how they interacted with the audiences after the show… But for me. I don’t know.
And that’s what I’m here to find. Luckily, I have a dear friend to help me pull out of this rut. I KNOW that I’ll eventually pull out of it. I mean, I’ve been doing this for so long, that I know I will… but I don’t really know how I’ll do it. So like all problems, I have to start at the root of the problem, but first defining what the problem is: what is the MAGIC that I’ve lost for theatre?
It’s the wonder. The awe. The heart of seeing something so visceral that it shakes my core enough to awaken my heart. Sounds like I lost my heart. It feels like I’ve lost that wonder and curiousness. Like my humaness is, if not gone, is jaded. It’s kind of the state of the country we’re in. Like there’s so much divisiveness and finger pointing and “i’m right, you’re wrong” attitude that it’s killing the vibe where the magic of everyone and everthing no longer exists. that’s sad… i’m sad just thinking of it.
But maybe that’s a good thing to realize that. It’s been a while since I’ve been in “that” depressive state, but when I was in “that” state, I went back to CBT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy. The defining what is the root of that state in order to pull out of it. It’s like to let go of those internal feelings and to pivot to actually do something to move on.
Okay so now that I found the issue, “I lost the Magic aka passion for theatre,” now to move on to how can I get that magic back. One thing is to go back to a story. And not just about telling a story, it’s about finding that story with heart. A story that’s honest. A story that can make a person forget the bad parts of their lives, even just for a minute, and replace that with laughter, joy, and hope. The stuff that makes me happy. The stuff I’m drawn to. I’m thinking about back to the future. I’m thinking about works like Charlotte by Alexis Dayers or Utang by Marc Abrigo. I’m thinking about watching and feeling the performances of actors where I can disappear into their craft and character. Where I can delight in a person’s evilness or glimpses of being in love. I miss feeling that.
I miss feeling.
Anywho, on that note, I’m feeling encouraged to find the projects, nothing big, that will help me, and hopefully others, get that Magic back.